no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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