whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
