Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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