The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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