Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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