You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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