just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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