I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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