I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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