I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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