just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
