I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
