I hate your face
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
