mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
