the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
