It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
