Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i will never coherently bang her
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize