Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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