Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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