You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You're like the curious george of whores
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I did not marry a roomba.
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