No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
