I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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