so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
