I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize