1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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