dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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