Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
