he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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