checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Panties = found
Randomize
