This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
