she woke up with a sticky ear
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
