Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
