i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
