i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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