we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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