And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
