The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
