he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
