1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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