she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize