I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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