You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cockslap morals
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
