there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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