one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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