I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
