I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
