Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dick very happy bro
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
