I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize