Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
