yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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