apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
