I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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