Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize