I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
