I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
