"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
