Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize