Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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