I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
