booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
