when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
