so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just had sex on a roof
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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