Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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