I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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