Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
