Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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