Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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