So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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