Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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