this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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