Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
