I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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