and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
