I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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