my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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