He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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