i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
