so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
