I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
